April Week 3: Smash the Binary, Save the Sex Drive
This Week’s Theme: Gender Roles, Erotic Scripts & The Pleasure Rebellion
💌 Welcome to Your Weekly Deconstruction
Hey love,
This week inside The Ember Vault, we’re not just side-eyeing the gender binary—we’re gleefully feeding it to the shredder.
We’re talking:
How the roles of “masc,” “fem,” “dom,” and “sub” got colonized by patriarchal bullshit
Why neurodivergent, queer, and nonbinary bodies keep breaking the system (and thank fuck for that)
What it means to feel sexy when you’re done performing sexy
This post is your safe little chaos corner to unlearn the scripts that never fit, rage at the binary’s tiny box, and name the version of you that’s been hiding underneath all that performance.
Three new reflection prompts are waiting below—exclusive to Ember Vault members—and your companion worksheets for this week’s podcast episodes are 🔥 fire-breathing truth bombs.
Erotic Roles You Didn’t Ask For
What’s one role you’ve felt forced into in bed, in relationships, or even in your own damn head?
Were you expected to lead? Submit? Initiate? Stay soft? Stay silent?
Who handed you that role—and what happens if you say “nah” and walk off stage mid-scene?
Drop your rebellion in the comments. Bonus points for drama.
When Sexy Felt Like a Job
Ever had a moment where you were “doing” sex more than feeling it?
You know the one—checking boxes, hitting beats, staying “in character” like an unpaid method actor in a bad porn remake.
What does “performing desire” look like for you?
What does living desire feel like?
Let’s name it and shame the system that taught us good sex was a role, not a right.
Gender Scripts and Your Erotic Rewrite
Time to rip up the old script and start over.
If gender expectations never touched you, what would your erotic identity actually look like?
Would you still be soft? Would you still be in control?
Would you touch differently, move differently, fuck differently?
Give us a glimpse of the unfiltered version.
Even just one sentence. Especially if it feels spicy, messy, or absurd.
Grab Your Companion Worksheets
This week’s podcast episodes—Ep. 11: Surrender Isn’t Weak—You’re Just Tired of Performing and Ep. 12: Your Erotic Brain Isn’t Binary—Stop Forcing It to Be—come with two brand-new worksheets to help you explore the shame scripts still running in the background.
👑 Worksheet 1: Unscripted and Unbothered
→ A journaling deep dive into the roles you’ve been playing, the systems that trained you, and what shifts when you say “no thank you” to being palatable.
🧠 Worksheet 2: Binary Thinking & the Erotic Identity Crisis
→ Explore how dominant/submissive, masculine/feminine, and other binary labels mess with your mojo—and how to start crafting desire on your terms.
👉 Get the worksheets here
Because liberation starts with saying, “This script? It’s trash.”
You don’t need to perform desire.
You are the desire.
—Dr. Misty 💋
